Miss Cana

stress, bye 

July was overwhelming. I don’t know why I’m using past tense, because obviously this month isn’t over yet, but I feel like I’ve wasted all my energy checking the „to do list” I had in mind. July exhausted me. I’m not exaggerating  when I’m saying I felt the most horrible things ever during my bac exam. I couldn’t even eat properly, sleep at night or take care of myself. I was distracted, and after the first exam, I cracked.

Well, I don’t know ‘bout you, but I neglected a lot of things at school. I start learning pretty late, I didn’t care that much about the books I had to read or essays I gotta write. I always knew I’ll pass this exam, but I needed a certain score for the university I applied to, so this kinda wake me up. The experience ended up well. It proved me I’m not dealing okay with tense situations, I overreact and I hardly recover from „being panicked”. 

Back to normal, I start enjoying my free days and had fun with my friends. After my last exam I went to mountain, I isolated myself from the city and from that depressing environment full of notebooks. I 🔥 all of them. After that, I went to Cluj, at Electric Castle, an music festival which had place in Bonțida (I’m sure you’ve heard of it). Good music, good vibes.

These being said, I’m going to start a knew life soon and honestly, I’ve never been so excited. I traveled a lot to arrive here, I’m proud of what I achieved and can’t wait for future.
Laura, xx


3 months 

Please stop writing poems for me. Tonight my mind is full of thoughts about future and things I won’t succeed in life. You seem very ambitious and confident about my potential, but the truth is, I’m not as cool as I pretend.

You asked me about us. I should’ve told you I’m leaving the country so you don’t have to make big plans with me. I’m temporary, I’ve never wanted to stay for you. There are no memories, just cold nights of summer with fake destinations.

I wanted to be that perfect idea of love. I imagined traveling the world with no money and worries, staying in your arms, drinking expensive champagne, till I can’t hide my insecurities no more.

I wanted to live a dream in which I was enough. The thought that you’ll search for something new, exhausted me. I retained myself from showing how much I’m falling for you, so I became cold, careless, selfish.

I should’ve told you sooner…

mini update

March has been a difficult month. I’ve been neglecting my health. I’m starting to feel pain again, my nights are unfinished and I wake up annoyed, tired of dealing with the cold bar inside my chest. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see no results at all.

I saw Logan. Such a beautiful movie. Can’t wait to watch it again at the cinema. Hugh Jackman did a great job. I’ll miss him for sure.

My senior year is kinda messy. There are a lot of things undone, and I wish I was able to pause the time and sleep forever.

Old memories are hunting me. I don’t want to deal with ugly souls and minds. People need to listen their instincts and have patience. The other’s influence affects our uniqueness. We close our eyes and trust the wrong person. Stop having expectations and choose your career before anything else. Friends are illusions, love is a temporary, crushes are a waste of time. A friend of mine called me yesterday, crying. I knew I have the mission to cheer her up, so I start telling her that our future is linked by our choices. Although is hard to face the reality, life isn’t cotton candy. If we stay attached to wrong people and refuse to let them go, we don’t evolve as human beings.

I’m tired of heartbroken guys, blinded by some shapes and faces full of colors.

I’ve never been in love. I can’t relate to them, although I wish I could. I gained my experiences from other’s stories. I see love as a superficial thingy, something optional, very repetitive which fades away too fast. I’m not being pessimistic, by the way. 🌸

Have you ever been in love?